Let’s talk parenting. This past weekend was Father’s Day and if you’re a father or a father figure of any kind, we hope you were honored and showered with love. Being a parent is the most precious and rewarding gift, as well as the hardest and most terrifying at times. We want the best education for our kids, the best opportunities and we should also want the safest and most effective lice treatment if they get a head lice infestation. We can definitely provide the safe and effective lice treatment, so give us a call if you ever need it. Now, let’s get back to talking about parenting. Verywell.com posted an article describing the 4 different parenting styles and the effects of them.
Do you know any parents who believe kids should be seen, not heard? When it comes to rules, they believe “it’s my way or the highway” with no exception? You notice they don’t take their child’s feelings into consideration? If so, there’s a good chance they are an authoritarian parent. Authoritarian parents believe their children should follow the rules without exception. Things are black and white with no gray area.
They don’t allow their kids to get involved in problem-solving challenges or obstacles because they make the rules themselves and enforce the consequences with little regard for their child’s feelings. Nothing is up for discussion. If you had an authoritarian parent, you probably heard them say “because I said so, a lot.” Authoritarian parents value obedience as the most important thing for children. They except to be respected as the parent. They often deem punishments as the most effective way to teach their children a lesson. Rather than teaching a child how to be better next time, they’re often more interested in making their child suffer for their mistakes.
“Children who grow up with strict authoritarian parents tend to follow rules much of the time.”
But, they may develop self-esteem problems and have a lot of aggression. Many studies show that they also become good liars because they have lied so much out of fear to avoid punishment. Most children who grew up with this parenting style fear their parents.
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
- Putting a lot of effort into building an incredible relationship with your children.
- Explaining the reasons behind your rules and consequences.
- You make sure to enforce rules and give consequences to create consistency but you also take your child’s feelings into consideration.
If so, you may be an authoritative parent. Authoritative parents establish clear and consistent rules. But, they allow for reasonable exceptions to the rules. Every situation may be different and they take that into consideration. They give their children an opportunity to voice their opinion and they believe problem-solving situations are good for them.
Authoritative parents often use logical consequences that teach life lessons. They also use positive discipline to prevent behavior problems and to reinforce good behavior. “So they may be more likely to create reward systems and praise good behavior.” They believe in balance and consistency.
Children raised with authoritative discipline tend to be happy and successful. They tend to feel love and have a healthy amount of confidence. They’re also more likely to be good at making decisions and evaluating safety risks on their own. Researchers have found kids who have authoritative parents are most likely to become responsible adults who feel comfortable expressing their opinions. This is a very healthy parenting style.
Permissive parents set rules but rarely enforce them and hardly ever give out consequences or lay down the law. They interfere in their child’s life as little as possible. Permissive parents let their kids get away with a lot and tend to give into begging. They are major “push-overs.” They usually only step in when there’s a serious problem or if someone is on fire.
Permissive parents usually have more of a friend relationship with their children rather than a parent relationship. They are willing to be there for their kids to talk to but they act as more of a friend and don’t discourage poor decisions. It might be common for someone who gave birth at a very young age to be a permissive parent.
Kids with permissive parents tend to struggle in school, perhaps because their parents don’t spend a lot of time teaching them.
Kids with permissive parents may also exhibit behavioral problems because they are not used to authority or following rules. This parenting style can be problematic when a child goes to school and needs to follow rules just like every other kid. They tend to experience sadness.
They’re also at a higher risk for health problems, like obesity, because permissive parents don’t usually limit junk food or T.V. time. They are even more likely to have dental cavities because permissive parents often don’t enforce good habits, like ensuring a child brushes his/her teeth.
Do any of these statements sound familiar in your life?
- You don’t ask your child about school or homework.
- You rarely know where your child is or who they are with.
- You don’t spend much quality time with your child.
If so, you might be an uninvolved parent. Uninvolved parents basically expect children to raise themselves. They don’t attend sporting events or sign up to volunteer at the PTA. They don’t usually meet their child’s basic needs, which can be damaging to a child. Whether intentional or not, they are neglectful and absent.
Parents with mental health issues or abuse problems may be uninvolved because they can’t care for a child’s needs when they have so many of their own issues to worry about.
Uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing. There tend to be few rules. Children with uninvolved parents tend to struggle with self-esteem issues and struggle academically. They also usually have behavior problems and rank low on the happiness scale because they didn;t get much parental attention, guidance or nurture.
Do you fall into one of these categories? You may fit into more than one or you may feel like you don’t fit into any. Most parents fall into one category to some extent but these categories are very general. Of course, there are degrees of which you can be one style of parenting. The way we parent does matter as studies show that authoritative parenting is the best style because it leads to children growing up happy, successful and healthily confident.
It’s never too late to start being more authoritative.
We are all doing our best and we know that you know better than anyone what is best for your specific family and situation. If you’re a parent, we cheer you on in your journey!